


Until Then

by ForgottenChesire



Series: Whispered Death A Collection Of Sad Soulmark AU's [6]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, mentioned miscarriage, mentioned overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:42:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7550101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenChesire/pseuds/ForgottenChesire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo doesn't want to meet his Soulmate. He's seen what happens when one-half of the pair dies while the other lives. It's messy and painful. But that's life. All too soon Thorin, someone he knows from school, and his family worm their way into his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until Then

**Author's Note:**

> Contains mention of miscarriages and overdoses. it's mentioned barely even there but I want to make sure y'all know ahead of time.

****

Bilbo Baggins is an only child and as such he is spoiled by both his mother and father. The lavish him with love and attention, he needs for nothing and yet he feels empty. As if the life he lives in the large and spacious mansion is not his. When he wakes he expects something more than the fancy white ceiling above his head. When he eats breakfast he expects his mother to remind him of something called second breakfast. She never does and he never questions it. The bustling city they live in throws off Bilbo more than he likes to admit and he longs for a life in the country. School is fun and Bilbo enjoys hanging out with Hamfast and Bell, they fall into an easy friendship that settles something in his soul. They're young, only ten, and the whole world is theirs for the claiming.

They're eleven when they learn about Soulmarks. He's eleven when his mother's face crumples and she races out of the mansion. She's screaming his father's name, begging him to wait, to come back but he's already gone. Called into the office where he works. It's happened before- Bungo is one of the best accountants in the firm and the most trusted one- so he doesn't understand his mother's desperation. Until the words stop and she's just screaming holding her wrist in the driveway. Their many maids and other personnel surround her. School teaches them that Soulmarks are finicky, that they can be on a person's body as soon as they are born or they will wait until the person is fifty to appear. Teaches them that they come in all colors and sometimes hurt when they come in. Teaches them that they often reflect the person's Soulmates handwriting- not always, though. Teaches them that Soulmarks are the last words your Soulmate will ever say to you. What they don't teach you is that when your Soulmate dies the Mark burns, that it overcomes all other senses and leaves you almost empty. They don't teach you how to live if you live after your Soulmate dies.

It's three weeks after they bury Bungo that Belladonna takes her son from school and they move out into the country. She finds a large cottage with the name Bag End- Bilbo ignores the sense of right that settles into his soul- and becomes a ghost of herself. Watching her Bilbo decides he never wants to meet his Soulmate, or if he does he doesn't want to get to know them. Hamfast and Bell call him every other night and he tries to tell himself that it is enough. Tries to ignore the fact that even though he feels more at home here than he has ever felt in the big mansion he feels so alone. He's not allowed to go to school. His mother won't let him, instead, she hires a tutor. His name is Fundin and he scares Bilbo the first time he sees the man. He doesn't understand, nothing has made sense since his father died and he just goes along with his mother's whims. Two months after Fundin is hired Bilbo hears his tutor fighting with his mother; Fundin says that he needs to be around kids his own age but his mother disagrees.

They must have come to a compromise because the next day Fundin brings along his sons, Balin and Dwalin, to the lesson. Balin is older than him- he's sixteen- and Dwalin is too but not by much- he's thirteen. Bilbo enjoys the company- though he expects them to toss his cheese around the house and he laughs loudly when Balin scrunches his nose up at the blue cheese that is served with the crackers his mother set out for a snack.

"It's molded."

"No, it isn't," Bilbo manages to say between giggles, "That's how it's supposed to look."

He misses him mother staring at him. Misses the tears that well up in her eyes at the sight of her boy happy. Nothing changes for a while after that. At least nothing that Bilbo knows about. Belladonna seeks help with dealing with the loss of her husband. Seven months pass and all too soon it's Bungo's birthday. Bilbo watches his mother all day, his lessons were canceled so he's all alone with his mother. She holds him through most of it.

"You looks so much like him Bilbo," she whispers into his ear, "yet you act like me when you can act like a child."

She's crying and he's left floundering wondering what he can do.

"Tell me about him?" he asks, wringing his hands and not daring to look at his mother. Belladonna laughs and he soaks it up. It's been so long since he heard her laugh. The day passes with tales of his father. Of how his mother met Bungo when they were six and she pushed him into a puddle. How her parents were mortified but Bungo had just laughed and pulled her into it. His mother talks until they both fall asleep on the couch. Things don't magically become fine after that but Belladonna tells him that he's going to be going to actual school- which starts right before his birthday- that is if he wanted to.

Needless to say that when September 13th rolled around he was dressed and ready. School is almost overwhelming after months of only interacting with Balin and Dwalin. There he meets Lobelia- she scares him but she also scares off the bullies who corner him at lunch- and Thorin. There are others of course like Bofur and Nori but Lobelia and Thorin stick out the most. Thorin makes his heart hurt, makes him want to cry and it frustrates Bilbo. It doesn't help that Thorin was a complete jerk to him in PE, according to Lobelia that's Thorin's natural state. He has dreams later of short men with long beards and haunting songs.

Slowly but surely life goes on. He passes from twelve to thirteen to fourteen. Lobelia is a wonderful friend despite her sharp tongue. Sometimes she comes to school with bruises but she never tells him why or how. He knows that she has her Mark- Marks- and that she knows that he doesn't want one and why. She's the one who is at his side when it comes in. They're at the lunch table they've claimed as their own, Bilbo is complaining that he has to deal with Thorin because their science teacher thought it would be a brilliant idea to stick them in a group together when a sharp pain vibrates through his ankle. The pain travels up, his calf cramps and his thigh spazzes out. He tastes blood in his mouth and his hands are clenched but he doesn't cry out. Doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Lobelia sees it all and when the pain goes down she drags him to the girls bathroom, locking the door behind her after scaring everyone else out.

"Alright show me?" she demands after pressing some paper towels to his lip. Bilbo pretends to be scandalized but reaches down with his other hand to pull up his pants leg. There in royal blue letters is a single word. 'Farewell.' Bilbo swallows thickly.

"Who the fuck says farewell? Do you have some old-timer as your Soulmate?"

Bilbo shrugs, the word bounces around in his mind, echoing with muted sounds of a world he only knows in his dreams. They don't talk about it much after that. He doesn't want to talk about it. Hell, he doesn't want to tell his mother he has it, so he doesn't. Markless people happen, sometimes one-half of a pair dies before the other is born. It's natural. And again life goes on. They're sixteen when Thorin comes to school with brown words across his cheek. Bilbo refuses to look, Thorin may have grown into a handsome male but he's still a jackass of the highest order. Dwalin laughs whenever he says that- the fact that he stayed friends with the older boy and the fact that Dwalin is related to Thorin makes Bilbo feel fuzzy- but doesn't disagree with him. The dreams don't stop and sometimes his Mark aches in an odd way but he ignores it.

* * *

 

He leaves the small village to go to college, his mother old and gray but proud of her only son. He visits on holidays and like so many young people believes that he has all the time in the world with his mother. He meets up with Hamfast at the college, old friendship striking up easily. He's thirty when he gets the call, out drinking with Hamfast and Bell- they married because of course, they did- and he thinks it's a joke. Yells and screams at the person on the other side. His mother couldn't be dead. It's not funny. But the other person persists, tells him that they aren't joking. That Belladonna really is gone. That she had an aneurysm, that she went quickly and he needs to come home. He doesn't remember much of the funeral- he's ashamed to admit that he spent most of the time drunk out of his mind- Lobelia is at his side. And at her side are two people; Vili and Dis- Vili is older than them at thirty-two and Dis is younger than them at twenty-six- she doesn't explain, doesn't mention that Dis is Thorin's younger sister until after Bilbo is being poured into a car. Thorin is driving and his mouth is pinched, Bilbo doesn't care why Thorin is the one to drive him home.

Thankfully for Bilbo's nerves, Thorin doesn't comment, just helps him into his childhood home.

"Don't get me wrong, Thorin is still a dick but he's good with the twins," Lobelia says softly watching the twins tumble about. They are three and Bilbo pretends not to be hurt that Lobelia never mentioned them in her letters. She gives him a smile, probably knowing how he feels.

"There are times I can't believe that Dis and Vili want me. I mean they were already in a relationship. I don't think Thorin approves."

Bilbo feels as if there is a silent _and that's why they bother with me_ tacked on to the end. He reaches out and grabs her hand and redirects the conversation to safer topics. Fili and Kili- the twins- are adorable and have Lobelia wrapped around their fingers. Bilbo stays longer than he should- he changes from classes to online courses- in fact, he only leaves to pack up the small flat he was living in. Hamfast understands as does Bell and they both promise to come visit him if he promises the same. The promise feels heavy on his lips but he promises anyways.

Bag End hasn't changed much since he left it. New pictures have graced the walls, he finds a stash of pictures of his father in his mother's room. For a week he's left alone to wallow, feeling like an intruder in his own home. Then Lobelia shows up with Bofur and Thorin in tow.

"Vili couldn't make it," Thorin states tersely before Bilbo can even begin to wonder why. Time has done wonders for Thorin. He was an attractive male as a teenager with long black hair and bright blue eyes. Now as a middle-aged man he still has long black hair with a gray hair here and there and his face finally fits his large nose. He's gotten rid of the goatee instead has a nicely groomed beard that fits the rugged look Thorin appears to be going for. Bilbo, of course, acts as if he doesn't spend most of the time Thorin is helping him move his stuff- still in boxes and gathering dust- checking out Thorin. So what if he's physically attracted to Thorin? He can look that's not a crime. After all the boxes are emptied and some refilled with things he doesn't need- they will be going to a storage unit- Thorin invites them out to a bar. The rest of the night is a blur but he wakes with a pleasant ache that tells him he had some fun.

He doesn't expect Thorin to become a big part of his life. And yet every other Friday, the ones that Lobelia doesn't claim for movie nights and bonding- an unneeded attempt to get Bilbo to like Dis and Vili or Dis and Vili to like Bilbo- and they hang out. Sometimes they go to a bar, sometimes they just hang out at Bilbo's home, and other times- read rarely- they go to Thorin's. Lobelia laughs at him when she finds out- he doesn't feel bad about punching her shoulder for it. Life is good.

* * *

 

"Lobelia?"

"We got in a fight. Can I stay here?"

There is rain pouring down and thunder clapping, Bilbo feels as if he's in a movie as he opens the door wider to allow a soaked Lobelia into his home. Her eyes are red from crying and she's gripping her unused umbrella like it's the only thing keeping her together. He gets her dry clothing and swaddles her in blankets. They don't talk. Not at first. Don't need to. Instead, he keeps them plied with hot cocoa with a liberal splash of peppermint schnapps.

"It's stupid. Fili mentioned that he wanted to wear a dress the other day. Said they looked cute and he wanted to try one on. Said there was a boy in his class that wore them," Lobelia starts slowly, "So I bought him a dress. It was just a cute little sun dress ya know? Not too showy or girly. Just a little blue dress."

Bilbo reaches out and squeezes her hand.

"Vili exploded when he saw Fili wearing it. I didn't understand, Vili's not a bigot ya know? I didn't think he'd be too upset about his four-year-old son wearing a dress in the privacy of his own home. Apparently, I overstepped my bounds. I shouldn't have done it without asking. Fili isn't my k-kid," her voice cracks and she puts her cup down on the table in front of her. It sloshes slightly but Bilbo ignores it as Lobelia starts to sob.

"The fight just got worse and I said things I didn't mean and he said some mean things that I don't know if he meant. Dis didn't say anything, she didn't stop me from leaving either."

"Then it's their loss. You can stay here for as long as you need," Bilbo tells her. He doesn't see anything wrong with what she did but he's not Fili's parent. He wonders if this is the first fight the three of them have ever had and if it wasn't where Lobelia went to stay. The week passes and Thorin doesn't show up when he normally does. Bilbo understands, he thinks, he tells himself, Thorin doesn't want it to seem like he's choosing a side that isn't his sister. That doesn't make it hurt less when two weeks pass and he doesn't show up. Bilbo likes to think he isn't a creature of habit, that he can be spontaneous- he got a small tattoo of an acorn while drunk once- but by the time Thorin has missed two more Friday get-togethers Bilbo acknowledges that he isn't as spontaneous as he'd like to think- acorn tattoo aside.

Bilbo isn't expecting a knock on his door, it's been about seven weeks since Lobelia has moved in. What's even more unexpected when he opens the door- maybe hoping that it's Thorin- is to see Thorin standing there with Fili and Kili in his arms. He allows them to enter- of course, he does- and closes the door behind them.

"I mi- The boys were missing Lobelia and I didn't see the point of letting them suffer for their parent's stubbornness," Thorin says with a cough. The twins are put down though they cling to their uncle's side. Bilbo gives a small smile.

"Lobelia has missed them as well. She's in the guest room on the left."

He waits for them to rush down the hall before turning back to Thorin. His eyes landing on the words on Thorin's cheek briefly before flicking up to his eyes.

"I missed you. Which is kinda confounding."

Thorin chuckles.

"You grew on me like a mold and I didn't quite know how to deal with your absence."

"You grew on me too Baggins."

Thorin smiles slightly at him and they go sit on the couch. They chatter, listening to the loud voices of two four-year-old's talk. It feels nice and homey. All too soon Thorin is getting up and taking the boys home.

"I- See you next week?"

"That would be wonderful."

It takes another month for Dis to cotton onto the fact that Thorin is taking the boys to see Lobelia. The boys are sprawled out on a nest of blankets and pillows, their heads resting and Lobelia's thighs while she sits with her back against the couch. The coffee table that normally sits in front of it is pushed to the side. Thorin and Bilbo are seated on the couch when the doorbell rings. No really uses the doorbell. It's old and looks like it will give you a nasty shock if you touch it and yet someone is pressing down on it like their life depends upon it.

"I'm coming, I'm coming hold you horses!" Bilbo shouts over the movie and walks toward the front of the cottage. He stops part way there to look back at the scene in his front room. His heart skips a beat and he smiles before continuing on his way. The smile drops when he sees Dis. She's an imposing figure when she frowns, looks a bit too much like her brother for comfort and she's frown at him.

"I know my boys are here along with my brother," Dis cuts straight to the chase, "I also know that Lobelia is in there too."

"So?"

"Can I come in?"

Bilbo looks her up and down.

"Are you going to start a fight?"

"No."

"Then yeah, you can come in. If only because your kids are in here. If you upset Lobelia I can't guarantee you get to stay."

Dis nods her head and takes a tentative step inside the house. She's the youngest Durin and was spoiled much like Bilbo was and normally walks with confidence. It's odd watching her tip toe toward the front room like she's unsure of her welcome- which granted she should be but that doesn't lessen the oddity- and stops in the doorway. Bilbo closes the door and walks up to her, stopping at her side.

"Lobelia loves them," he tells Dis softly. Dis makes a noise to say she heard and Bilbo bites his lip.

"I don't know if you remember or even know but during mine and Lobelia's Senior year something happened. Lobelia had been dating someone," he starts. The someone was a cousin on his father's side, they broke up nicely enough.

"I think I remember... That was right before Frerin-" Dis cuts herself off. Frerin isn't a name said often. The middle child of Thorin's family, all bright smiles and happy words. He got in with the wrong crowd and ended up overdosing on something. Bilbo only knows this because Otho was close to Frerin.

"She was pregnant. Planned on keeping the baby too."

Dis turns to face him, a look of shock on her face.

"What?"

"They had sex and the condom broke. And while Lobelia doubted that she stay together with the father, she wanted a kid," he whispers, "The father was happy enough too."

"What- what happened?"

"The father's Soulmate died. He... he didn't handle it well. The stress of trying to keep him from following his Soulmate was too much. I'm not telling this to you to get you to pity her or to make you feel guilty. I just want you to know that she would never hurt Fili and Kili. Never," Bilbo takes a deep breath after saying all of that trying not to cry. Lobelia is going to kill him for telling Dis that, she hadn't wanted anyone to know. She wasn't very far along when it happened. The only people who knew where her parents, Otho and Bilbo. He leaves her in the doorway, rejoining Thorin on the couch. Slowly Dis inches into the room and perches right next Lobelia. Lobelia looks up at her cautiously and Dis gives a tentative smile.

After that, Dis becomes a permanent fixture on Friday's. Bilbo misses the days when it was just him and Thorin. When Thorin stopped being a pain in Bilbo's side to being a friend, being someone Bilbo counted on he isn't sure. It happened slowly, which makes the mold analogy he used close to the truth. It's not until Vili clues in, three weeks later- Dis wasn't hiding where she was going, in fact, she had invited Vili along a couple of times- when he finally takes Dis up on the offer to go with her to Bilbo's.

"I can't believe I was chased out of my own home," Bilbo grouses as he watches Fili and Kili play. Thorin sits beside him munching on some celery- looking very sour as he does so.

"I can. Vili wants to make up for being a dick," he mutters in between bites. Bilbo chuckles at that. Neither one of them knows who moves first, one moment they have space between them the next they are shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand. It's soft and subtle and Bilbo feels warm.

"They were born with their Soulmarks."

Bilbo startles slightly, looking up at Thorin confused.

"Fili and Kili. They were born with their Soulmarks. It stunned the doctors. They heard about people born with them but they never saw twins with them."

Bilbo makes a noise, he isn't sure what he is supposed to say to that.

"There are times I envy you, Bilbo. You don't have a Mark. I dread but look forward to meeting my own," Thorin gestures at his cheek. Bilbo looks at it and finally allows the words he's glossed over so many times to registrar in his mind. 'Until we meet again.'

"People always say that Marks are good but... I don't know," Thorin whispers as if imparting a great secret. Bilbo leans into him more.

"I feel the same way. And you're wrong- about me not having a Mark. I have one, I just never wanted one."

"Aren't we a pair."

Bilbo laughs drawing Fili and Kili's attention. Thoughts of Marks and what they mean are pushed to the side as the twins climb all over the two of them. Thoughts of how nice Thorin's hand feels around his is also pushed away.

* * *

 

Renaissance fairs are something Bilbo always thought about going to but never actually went to. Renaissance fairs are apparently Vili's favorite thing to go to which is why one year later he is dressed up in itchy fancy clothes that make him look like he stepped out of a fantasy novel. Vili and Lobelia are dressed up as knights, Dis and he are dressed up as royalty and the twins are dressed up as little friars.

"You're going to love it, Bilbo. I even got Thorin to dress up," Vili says with a wink. Bilbo ignores him and the leers Dis and Lobelia send his way. After that evening in the park, Thorin and him have danced around each other. There is a draw, like a magnet between them and yet they are both too- scared to put a label on how they feel. Thorin comes in a little later, a scowl on his face as he fights with his cape. The clothing of a king complete with crown fits Thorin perfectly and Bilbo drinks in the sight of him.

"Remember to stay in character! Now who is going with who?" Vili announces cutting off any thoughts or words Bilbo might have said.

"I wanna go with Bilbo!" Fili chimes.

"No! I wanna go with him!" Kili argues.

Bilbo laughs.

"Why fair friars why don't ye both ride with me?" he says. The boys giggle at how he sounds.

"Yes!"

"I'll ride with the prince to make sure he doesn't get lost," Lobelia speaks up. Dis nods.

"That actually works out rather well. I only have room for two in my minivan with all the props Vili wants to take. He's a bloody hoarder he is."

Vili squawks denials at Dis who laughs and shakes her head. They leave, Dis to put the car seats in Bilbo's car and Vili to 'defend his honor and his princess.'

"Prince Bilbo?"

"Yes, King Thorin?"

Thorin fidgets slightly.

"Do you think that after the fair we can go on a date?"

Bilbo ignores the whistle Lobelia lets out and nods.

"Yes."

Thorin grabs Bilbo's hand and places a kiss on his knuckles.

"Come on love birds, it's time to go!"

Thorin rolls his eyes at Vili, Bilbo goes up on his tiptoes and places a kiss on the edge of Thorin's mouth. Then with a giggle, he pulls away.

"Come, fair friars, our chariot awaits. King Thorin will meet us there," he looks over his shoulder and speaks. His mind cursing him as he says the words, "Until we meet again."

Part of him hopes that since Thorin has never seen his Mark he won't say that one tiny word. That part dies a little when he hears a slightly strangled 'Farewell' from Thorin. He swallows thickly, praying that maybe Thorin was talking to Lobelia or even the twins. It's better than thinking one of them is about to die. Bilbo mechanically buckles Fili and Kili up. Lobelia is speaking to Dis and Vili. Thorin comes out of the house, his face is pale but he smiles thinly at him. Lobelia says something before heading to Bilbo's car.

"You okay Belia?"

"I- yeah... Just go Bilbo."

The adults are quiet on the drive to the fair grounds. In the backseat, the twins talk animatedly about what they will see. Bilbo smiles at their enthusiasm.

"Do you think we will see a dragon? I want to be protected by a dragon," Fili says bouncing slightly. Kili scrunches up his nose.

"Dragons don't protect people stupid, they eat them."

"Kili! We don-"

The sound of metal crashing into metal cuts off what Lobelia has to say as a car careens into Bilbo's. Bilbo gasps out in pain and his passengers cry out. They spin once, twice before hitting another car and come to a stop. Lobelia lets out a soft whine as she tries to get out of her seat. Beside her, Bilbo sits limply in the drivers seat. The airbag has deployed and Bilbo's head is resting on his shoulder. She bats at her own airbag tiredly.

"Fili? Kili?"

"Mummy Belia?"

Lobelia smiles tiredly as she hears Kili speak up. She so sleepy.

"It's going to be alright Kili. How's Fili?" she whispers letting her head fall back against the seat. There is activity outside the car and she thinks she can hear sirens. She takes a deep breath, wincing at the burn in her chest.

"He's sleeping."

That's something not good, she knows somewhere in her mind that that is very not good but she's too tired to care. She lets her eyes slip closed.


End file.
